HEY STAN, THE FUTURE’S CALLING

Hello everyone, everywhere,

Welcome to 2015. The snow’s falling, it’s cold, but who cares? It’s winter. Get over it.

So here we go. It’s a new year. I feel that great things are on the horizon for my band and my writing. I hope I find a publisher. And I feel that all of you are going to have a great year because last year was crazy. So let’s forget it.

One thing about the past is that you’ve just got to keep going. Here’s how I’m looking at the future. The other day I had to go for some x-rays early in the morning. I was thinking before I was parking, and I pulled into a stall that was too tight. When I realized my error I tried to back out, and I almost made it. But I was in “the Grey” (my mini-van) and I took out the last panel window of the van beside me. I felt like crap, especially because it wasn’t even eight in the morning. I couldn’t talk, and I had only half a cup of tea and honey that morning. I wasn’t happy. But anyway, I asked around and nobody seemed to know anything about who owned the van.

I moved on and found out that my appointment wasn’t for that day at all. I had missed it. It was for the day before. In my frustration I got in my van, and I just left. I said to hell with it all, I don’t care. Later in the day, (after talking to Michelle of course), I realized that my conscience would not let me walk away from this nonsense. I mean it’s only a bloody window, right? So I phoned back and left my information. I felt great. Relieved. And I knew it was the right thing to do. The right thing to do, apparently (Michelle keeps telling me), is the way we’ve got to go. So onward and upward 2015. That’s it.

And now it’s time, if only for a moment, to close our eyes and our thoughts and…rest. Until we meet again at John and Belle Decker’s Bird Hospital and Shooting Range Emporium on the corner of Laid Out Crescent and Get Over It Road, across from Smiley’s Bar, where the slogan is “When you see a bird, DUCK!”

THE DAY BARNEY B FLIPPIN KICKED THE PAST

Old Man

It started out like every other day for Barney B Flippin. He got up, he looked in the mirror, and he was just as grumpy as could be. And he didn’t mind that one bit. Mr. Flippin just didn’t seem to get along with anybody. And he thought that they were all out of synch with him.

He dated a few ladies in the past. There was Gladys Ergle. She was a nice lady but she didn’t like when Mr. Flippin told her how she should clean her apartment. So that ended that one.

Then there was Eunice Barkley. Eunice was lovely. She used to bring Barney B flowers and tell him stories about what was going on in the world today. And yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. Do you see where this is going? So in his own way, Barney B tried to be sociable with Eunice. But in the end she just sort of bugged him. So he’d say, “Good night to that, Eunice.”

And then last but not least, (or least but not last, either way you look at it), there was Peggy Brownstone. He liked Peggy. She was a bowler. Barney B Flippin used to go bowling with her on Wednesday night. Barney went twice. He hated bowling. And then he started saying, “I don’t think I want Peggy Brownstone either. She’s a bowler.”

Now Barney B definitely needed a bit of a tuneup. He was the grouchiest man around. Until he ran into Licorice Larry Levin.

As Barney B walked down the street he decided that he needed a haircut. So he stepped into of the Grand Hotel on Main Street to get his hair cut by his barber, Walter. But unbeknownst to Barney B, Walter had retired. And now it was Licorice Larry Levin. That day, Barney B Flippin met his match.

He said to Licorice Larry, “You know what’s wrong with this world? Better yet, I’ll tell you while you’re working. I’ll tell you all about what’s wrong with the world.”

Licorice Larry Levin looked up at Barney B Flippin and said, “You know, all the grouchiness in the world is not going to make you any happier, so why don’t you just try smiling for a change. You just might like it.”

And Barney B said, “I came here to see Walter and complain. That’s what I do. A little off the top please.”

And Licorice Larry said, “No complaining. My man, it’s time to kick the past. That’s all.”

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

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By jamesghutcheson

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