Hello everyone, everywhere,
This week’s been great. My head’s back.
On Friday night I saw an incredible concert where my friend Alisa sang. It was a wonderful evening filled with much food and memorable music. Alisa is a soprano and I had no idea how gifted she is. She truly has a beautiful voice.
I got my new car. In the story you’ll find some of the things that happened to me and some that I may have embellished a touch.
Before I go today I have to tell you about Michelle. She went to the gym today work out. When she was leaving she couldn’t find her clothes anywhere. She went from locker to locker and looked and looked, but no clothes. She finally decided that she was going to go to the front and say, “I’m sorry I left my locker unlocked and maybe you have my clothes. Or someone else is wearing them.” But to our lovely Michelle’s surprise, as she turned her head, she saw something she wasn’t quite sure she saw. She double-checked. Oh yeah, she was in the men’s locker. And that will do it.
And now it’s time to close our eyes and our thoughts, if only for a moment and…rest. Until we meet again, have a laugh with Benny. That’s it.
BENNY SPITZALLDAY GETS A NEW CAR
Benny Spitzallday wakes up Wednesday morning happy as a lark (or a penguin), for today Benny will be getting in his new car and going to work to show everyone. Well, that’s the way it’s supposed to go.
You see, Benny thinks of himself as a shrewd businessman. And when he was driving downtown Tuesday afternoon in good old Watchyourstep Falls, just outside of town he saw an old man sitting on the side of the road, and beside him was a beautiful white car. A little car that cried out, “Benny, you need me!”
Benny pulled over and said to the old fellow, “Is this car for sale?”
The old man look up at Benny and said, “Three thousand dollars or best offer.”
Benny Spitzallday looked at the car and the old man. He smiled to himself and thought, I’ll take this car from this old man and smile all the way to the bank. So Benny strolled around the car and said to the old man, “I know about everyone here in Watchyourstep Falls but I don’t remember you.”
The old man laughed and said, “Oh, I live in Tripwire Falls.”
“That explains it”, Benny spouted out.
Benny thought, okay, low ball at $2,200. Don’t go over $2,600.
The old man said, “I’ve got another guy interested so you’d better decide.”
So Benny walked around the car and whistled a bit and said to himself, “Watch me low ball this guy.” Slowly he turned and said, “Twenty six hundred dollars firm!” (That was great haggling there. Top dollar. First offer. Smoooooth).
The old man said, “If you can be back with the money and a rope you can be on your way. I’d hate for the other guy to show up.”
Benny knew a deal so he said, “Don’t leave. I’ll be right back with the cash.” As he jumped in his car he called back to the old boy, “Write up a bill of sale.” And he was off.
Benny rushed to the bank and got his money. As he was leaving he waved to his pal Henry and yelled, “Henry, I’m getting this great car from this old guy. He hasn’t got a clue I’m ripping him off.”
When Benny pulled up to the car he smiled to himself, looking at the old guy. What a rube.
Folks, this is where it picks up a bit. Benny jumped out and said, “Hey I got the money. Did you write up the bill?”
The old fellow smiled and said, “Give me the money and take her away. And don’t forget the key.”
Benny gave the old guy the money and tied the car to his bumper. As he left, he laughs to himself.
Well, here’s the kick folks. (And I’m not whistling Nancy). You see, old Floyd Nutter was getting a ride from his son-in-law from Tripwire Falls to Watchyourstep Falls. Floyd’s son-in-law makes Floyd sit in the back seat and goes on and on. You should do this. Or do that. Why can’t you? And finally it ends as usual, “You know Floyd, Helen and I can’t do it all.” And then, just outside of town, Floyd’s son-in-law Dan ran out of gas. And so does the car.
Dan the son-in-law got out of the car and said, “Floyd, if I wasn’t so busy taking care of you this stuff wouldn’t happen.” Then Dan, the grouchy son-in-law said to Floyd, “Here’s the key. Do you think you can watch the car until I return with the gas? I mean it Floyd, can you?”
So back to Benny Spitzalot. When Officer Bob showed up at his house later that day to retrieve grouchy Dan’s car, it wasn’t pretty. Officer Bob scolded Benny for buying grouchy son-in-law Dan’s car. And then he gave him back his money. Benny cried a lot that night.
Son-in-law Dan was so fumed he wouldn’t utter one word all the way home. Old Floyd sat in the back seat and laughed at Dan all the way home.
Which brings us to the end of the story of Benny Spitzalot’s new car. Sometimes the old folks get one in. Sorry Benny. That’s all.
(NEVER EVER GIVE UP).