THE WALK

Hello everyone, everywhere,

Tree

I took a walk. A very long walk. It was a gloomy, grey day, but I didn’t mind that. The rain…I didn’t mind that either. But it always makes me feel loss. I really missed my brother today. Everything’s different now, and everything’s changed. The life I knew when I got here is gone, and I’ve reinvented my life once again.

And a crow flew overhead. I looked up and I smiled. I knew who it was.

I have to face more fear, and I have to dig deep once again, but I have Michelle, and I have some strength left. If you really knew me, you would know that I’m trying to be a good man.

And the crow flew by again. And I smiled. I knew who it was.

The walk wrestled with my mind. Fight the demons, slay the dragon, and then just get on with it. There just doesn’t seem to be anything else I can do but keep marching forward. I’m very much alone now, and day to day, that’s all I can do. Day to day.

So I lean on a tree, I close my eyes, and the rain keeps coming. And I don’t mind. You see I had to leave all that behind.

I turn and make that walk back up the road to face what I have to face. I’m ready, as usual. I’m always ready. It’s funny what you learn about yourself when you take a walk.

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

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By jamesghutcheson

IT’S A DIRTY KIND OF WIND

Hello everyone, everywhere,

When I last talked to you I told you I’d been dealing with this concussion, and I also said I’d go to the doctor. Well, I did that the next day, and he pulled me out of the studio for a week–eight days, actually. I went back to see him today, and he cleared me, but he warned me to be very careful, and stop if I was getting any headaches.

So I’m back Wednesday. We don’t have anything big coming up for a couple of weeks so there’s no big pressure. I’m really missing being there. It’s just that these bloody headaches have been hard to deal with. They have subsided slowly, and I’ve still got a couple of days before I go back. If I’m not ready I’ll extend that. I won’t put myself in danger again. (This month, anyway).

Michelle came to my place to work tonight because she was worried that I shouldn’t be driving today, and I agreed. The story we’re going to give you tonight is reality–this is my story. This is what I’ve been living with, and I want it out there because there are a lot of people who are going through it, and they’re not sure what to do. Unfortunate. I can write out my feelings; a lot of people find it hard to say what they’re feeling, and they’re the ones I feel for because I know how difficult it is to find the words. This story had to be written, and I hope it helps someone out there.

And now it’s time to close our eyes and our thoughts, if only for a moment…and rest. Until next week…(and I’m so happy I can say that). There were a few days that I was truly afraid. I couldn’t think, and I thought maybe I had hit the wall and there was no more. The brain is a very delicate thing. Okay. Story.

I KNEW YOU WOULD COME BACK

Jim Single Drumming

I was angry, confused, in a dark place.

I was already injured; I needed no more.

I was stricken with headaches, anxiety.

I was down on my knees fighting arthritis.

I was fighting fibromyalgia, a disease that goes after the muscles in your body.

The harder I fought, the harder it hurt.

You see, it is not only the pain. It is the damn thoughts that get you.

I had my one ace in the hole stripped away.

I was pulled from my instrument, and told “No music; even listening.”

Too much.

Eight days. Rest.

Rest was the verdict.

So I sat alone for eight days in crazy town.

On the fifth day, I quietly played Yo-Yo Ma.

Inch by moment, I felt a strength returning.

What is all this about?

A concussion–a brain injury, that’s what.

This is my story. Everyone else has theirs.

I’m a serious writer and a very serious musician.

 I did not need more; I had plenty, thanks.

Again ,somehow, I’ve made it through, though there were those times…

I knew I would come back eventually–I am in awe.

And the journey continues.

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

By jamesghutcheson

TIME TO SLOW DOWN

Hello everyone, everywhere,

We just finished another good show on Saturday night, but I found myself irritating people in the band. My concussion (or my conclusion as I like to call it) is not getting better. It’s not affecting my playing but it’s certainly affecting my mood. It’s making me grumpy and makes me say spiteful things which I normally would never say. I’m going to go see the doctor tomorrow.

Other than that, everything’s good. Everybody’s good. (Even Dean). We’ll just carry on. I’m going to get better, don’t worry about that. Michelle won’t let anything happen to me.

So for now, that’s it.

And now it’s time to close our eyes and our thoughts, if only for a moment…and rest.

A SIMPLE GAME

Small Town

Wednesday afternoon in early spring. It could have been any other day, but Wednesday will do. They started back to almost smiling again in good old Dustem and Cleanem Falls. No more than 150 of 400 residents left.

Watched the ground turn to dust. Then it rained a lot and the land came back. Too late for some, not soon enough to others.

Warm sun now rests weary tired faces and thoughts. Harsh it will always be, and then you just get on with it.

Colours come home to play with the wind and the trees. Birds soar, dancing with the light.

Kids–what’s left of them around town–continue to inquire about life, moment to moment. A picture-show of wonder. Find it funny if you’d like. No age limit.

So all in all, not too bad, or too sad. To those of us who find solace in the quiet and a buckling breeze…call it only a simple game: things change.

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

By jamesghutcheson

GREY AGAIN? WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED IT?

Hello everyone, everywhere,

It seems the weather is going through its spring cleanup. The wind’s picking up dust and blowing it everywhere and rain’s in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow. At least it will clean this place up a bit.

We just finished two concerts, and now we have another on Saturday. We’re the featured entertainment for Shalom Counseling Centre’s Spring Gala. (Michelle and I just looked up gala so we could pronounce it properly. She said in the English way and I pronounced it the American way. Apparently we’re both right).

Other than that, things are moving along at a good pace. My aches and pains are there every day, reminding me that I’m alive. Hasn’t hurt the drumming.

You know, I’ve been thinking: if I were married, I’d have even more headaches than I have now because I’m always doing the wrong thing. I was always getting nagged at in the past, and I’m sure I will in the future too.

Oh yeah, Terrence got a girlfriend!

That’s it.

THE ARRANGEMENT

Half-of-respondents-to-th-007

It wasn’t that they meant to be there; it just seemed right, is all. Sitting high above, but not high enough, you see. We chose–no, not chose, only learned–to accept. Street dust, street noise, street people. Carnival sounds. The cry of the busker. Hurray for the day!

We put Glenn Miller, Count Basie, and Duke Ellington to bed to keep them safe. And Ella, B.B. King, Taj Mahal, and so many…so many more in our old hearts and minds.

Same it seems, though different, this world. They seem to grasp all of this. They got it, some would say. We will watch and see what they do. And many years from now–or not so many–an entity might ask, “What name do we call you?”

With a smile and a wink, they turn and say, “We are called infinity.” It’s an arrangement, don’t you see? That’s all.

That’s all.

NEVER EVER GIVE UP

By jamesghutcheson