UNDERSTANDING SOMETHING ELSE

Hello everyone, everywhere,

Let’s get all the niceties out. The music’s wonderful. Michelle is fighting hard. And I guess that’s what this thing is all about–it’s about understanding something else.

You know, I’ve had some bad things happen to me, but this time it was just exhaustion. I had not been feeling all that well for a few days and I played too hard. The good news is that I went to practice today and there were new mikes for the drums. So next time I won’t have to kill myself and play as hard.

This story tells the tale of what happened.

And now it’s time to close our eyes and our thoughts if only for a moment…and rest.

SIXTEEN HOURS

drumkids

This tale takes you with me on a journey to the other side.

I had played a concert in the afternoon and it was good.  And it seemed that as fast as it started it was over, the equipment was getting pulled off the stage, and my job was done. I gave it everything…and more; played harder than I should.

Home–hadn’t been feeling my best. Two beers in the fridge. It’s Friday! It was six p.m. and I was exhausted. Had to sleep. So sleep I did, for sixteen hours.

The scene is set. Now the drama begins.

For those of you who wonder, I have a very serious brain injury. But I am high-functioning–in fact, you would never know unless you spent time with me or I told you. Ever since I went down in my accident, sometimes I let my mind go. Well, I spent a day and a half with my passed-on brother Merv.

We were sitting, talking, and answering each other in the gray. I told him I was getting worn out and he looked at me and said, “It has always been hard for you. Like you never really had anything, but now you do.”

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

By jamesghutcheson

AFTER IT WAS ALL SAID AND DONE

Hello everyone, everywhere,

I was lost for something to write this week but the other day I was looking out my big glass doors and saw this beautiful sea of birds just dancing in the wind. I always think that my brother Merv is a bird. I like to look at the sky and think about how he’s flying around out there. Losing him inspired me to fight even harder than I did before, but I really miss his guidance. I just miss him a lot, because that’s what brothers do.

That’s it.

EVERYONE CAME

birds

Oh, what a time they are had! I watched them land in the sunlight on a majestic tree right outside my castle, so close that I could almost touch them as they chatted. It was a beautiful cool day in January.  Each had a branch and they danced in perfect harmony as the wind played music. And they were very polite. It made me happy. Because a birthday approaches.

What lasted twenty minutes will be in my heart forever. Awesome doesn’t really grasp it. Everyone was there…and then Merv flew over.

When the blue turned to gray and they had all flown away, only one stayed. He and I just stared at each other. Finally, he too took to the sky and I just yelled, “Fly my brother, fly!”

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

By jamesghutcheson

WAIT FOR IT

Hello everyone, everywhere,

I’ll get the pleasantries over with first. The music’s great. Michelle and Dean are doing the best they can. And Mama B is still happy.

Anyways, tonight I want to talk about exhaustion–mental and physical exhaustion. You know, today is supposed to be the saddest day of the year but that’s actually coming later in the week on Friday. I believe that 2016 kicked the crap out of everybody and if that’ s just the beginning then it’s going to be quite a ride in 2017.  When I look in that man’s eyes I feel no peace in my heart, only worry.

Between that and a really crappy winter it’s been hard enough on anybody, but on people like me, it’s been an ass kicker. And it’s only half over. I try to look at life every day as a blessing and I try to smile. Some days are harder than others because I’m tired of smiling and hoping that someone will smile back. I always know who’s lying to me, no matter what mask they wear. I guess that this leads up to what I wrote about tonight.

And now it’s time to close our eyes and our thoughts, if only for a moment…and rest.

TIRED

jumble_of_letters

Oh yes, I am tired. Fifty years on the road tired. You know, that tired that won’t let you rest. Dreams come; reality washes all of that away.

When I was a young boy I saw these men and women with tired eyes and leathered skin. To me, it was an awakening in my mind. Work hard. Never mind about yourself. Those were the words of wisdom a long time ago. There’s plenty of time for that later. That was the tagline I was raised on.

All these years have passed. Things have been started, some finished. It matters not. I have pushed so hard, so long, alone. There is an ache inside of me that will never be fixed. So pardon me, everyone, everywhere. I just need a few minutes. I am very tired.

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP).

By jamesghutcheson

IT’S COLDER THAN HELL BUT WE’RE STILL HERE

Hello everyone, everywhere,

Lately, I’m feeling really positive about everything. That’s very unusual for me because usually winter finishes me. But not this time.  You know, I never felt prouder of my Canadian heritage than when I realized that no matter how busted up I am, I continue to get through these winters.

There’s a swimming pool five minutes away from my place and I used to go swim laps twice a week. I usually would do the breaststroke or the butterfly because they help to build up muscles I need to be in the water because fighting this fibro is a daily chore. Imagine someone with a bow and arrow and you pull back that string so hard.and then you let go of that arrow and t hat bowstring snaps back into place. That’s fibro and that’s what I have dealt with every day for the last twenty-five years. I have it so bad that they can’t even begin to figure out what to do with me. I need to get back in the pool soon.

And now it’s time to close our eyes and our thoughts, if only for a moment…and rest. Tonight I’d like to present for those of us who waste our lives looking at others instead of valuing what we already have.

SOMETIMES YOU WIN

happy-man

There are so many days that I wish I could forget

When I opened my mouth just wide enough for the shoe to fit.

Oh sure, they have more than I do,

But if I can keep warm and safe,

I see that it is not about what they have,

It’s about what I have.

Because how do we who are not they judge them for getting it right?

Only my image in the mirror speaks the truth.

The rest of it is make believe and self-abuse.

When the last light goes out and I’m standing in the dark,

I will see it all and smile.

Sometimes you lose, but sometimes in life,

No matter what, you win.

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP).

By jamesghutcheson

WELL, IT’S HERE

Hello everyone, everywhere,

 I had a great time in Winnipeg over Christmas although we did get snowed in with a blizzard. Nothing like a blizzard at Christmas. That was why I left that place.

The new year started with me going back to work. The music is going great. I’m really happy with it.

I hope you all had a great new year and got home safely.  I did what I always do and went to bed at nine.

Instead of a story, I’m just writing some thoughts today about how I see the future.

bird

This year brings with it new hope. I don’t know why some of us must constantly feel that with every turn of the years it’s like this time we will get it right. Oh yeah, that’s not happening. While most of us just want to live peacefully, it seems that bad people can’t find anything better than hate, while good people try to keep smiling.

That’s all.

(NEVER EVER GIVE UP)

By jamesghutcheson